dad,so confusing

I wonder if my father likes me

he is a very quiet man

but I see the way he interacts with my sister and the way he interacts with me

It's not all his fault

over the years I have distanced myself from him because he doesn't treat my mother the way he should

Growing up seeing him as a person I can't really picture him as my father anymore I only see him as the person he is and he is not a very decent person at least to my mother

I love my mother with all my heart even though she sometimes tests my patience but I'm patient with her because no one in her life was patient with her so I always defend her as much as I can against my father

When I was younger I was with my father all the time after school he even sometimes taught me how to drive even though I don't like him as a person now these memories make me sad 

what happened?

is it my fault?

is it his fault?

I can't put a finger on it

maybe we are both at fault and since I'm my father's son I don't want to admit it's my fault we are the same blood after all we have the same traits.

My mother said when I was born he was the happiest person in the world.

Now we just sit in awkward silence.

(taken from my diary)